Lyrics, poetry and art all meshed together

Friday, July 28, 2006

Dear Diary,

It should be a HAPPY FRIDAY, unfortunetly this is day three of me being homeless. Yes, homeless. It is such a vulnerable feeling to wake up knowing you don't have a place to call home. I know I've bragged to everyone here in blog world that I moved to my new apartment a month ago but I feel like a stranger in my own place. Why?

Well for one, I haven't unpacked anything besides some clothes to wear for work. My landlady since the beginning advised me not to unpack anything because the painter/handyman had to first finish painting then put the tiles on the floor of my bedroom and livingroom. To make the story short, she paid him $1500 but was very disappointed when she noticed the work he did with those tiles. She couldn't believe her eyes, the tiles had gaps between them, they looked messy. Basically, she was trying to go the cheap route and got her money's worth. Of course I think the handyman knew nothing about tiles, he was just money hungry.

So Miss landlady learned her lesson and decided to call a professional company this week to install the tiles in my bedroom and livingroom. I came home on Wednesday night to find all my furnitures piled up in my kitchen and bathroom, fresh cement was put in the living room and bedroom. I couldn't believe my eyes, even the bathtub was stuffed with Hefty bags and boxes. My mattress and TV were put in the landlady's garage. All the doors were unscrewed and leaned over on the walls.

My landlady should have called me to warn me, I was pissed. I called her and she explained to me that the company she called to help with the tiles told her I would need to be out of the apartment asap for a couple of days in order for them to put down the tiles. Of course landlady offered me a place to sleep in her house but she had six family members visiting her from Florida. Where the hell was I going to sleep?

"When I get back from church we can figure out the sleeping arrangements for you," she said to me with an angelic smile.

I was burning inside. Too pissed to speak my mind. I went back downstairs to my apartment, packed up some stuff, called my brother who roommates with my cousin and then called a cab service to pick me up. By 8pm I was at my brother's apartment telling him what happened.

I was relieved to know my stay with him and my cousin wouldn't last and it was great to know I have my family's back in this sort of emergency. But last night I get to my brother's house and was ready to take a shower, I ask my cousin what happened to the towel she had given to me that I left in the bathroom. She said nonchalantly she put it in the dirty laundry and didn't know I was spending another night.

"But I told you Wednesday and Thursday I'm going to spend to sleep here," I said.

"Oh, I thought it was only for one day," she said. "Well, ask your brother for another towel."

After she did that, it made me feel like she didn't want me around. Also she kept her bedroom door shut while I was there which I found strange. I really felt uneasy and was convinced she didn't want me around. I called my landlady to hear more updates about my apartment and she explained that the floors won't be ready to be walked on until Saturday and my heart dropped. It means another dreadful night on the couch at my brother and cousin's house, I truly didn't want to spend another night there especially after the towel incident with my cousin.

I e-mailed her this morning and explained to her that my landlady said I can't sleep in the apartment until tomorrow (Saturday), ten minutes later she sent me a reply saying her brother from Florida is coming down with his wife and spending the night at her place and she is letting them use her bedroom. She said she will need to sleep on the couch and that there is no room for me to sleep at her place. My brother called me too saying how upset he was at my cousin who called him at work in a panic because I told her about spending another night in their apartment.

My brother said to her "what's the big deal, Cathy can sleep on the air mattress while you sleep on the couch, she won't be in your way, plus she's leaving early in the morning to go to her place."

She said to my brother she can't entertain me AND her brother and his wife and that five people in a small two-bedroom apartment is way too much, too many people, and she blabbered on and on about errands she has to do today and tomorrow.

"Cathy don't need you to entertain her, all she does is write,how will she get in your way?" my brother said to her.

He apologized to me and said he will call another cousin of mine to ask if I can spend the night there tonigt, I told him forget it and I'll figure out a way. I was saddened by my cousin's attitude because she had no reason to act the way she did, and I always thought we were cool. A year ago she had moved to California and was living with her brother and sister-in-law, she was jobless and was bone-dry broke, she used to call me all the time whining about her bills and not being able to find work. My heart went out to her, I quickly bought her a card and enclosed a money order of $100. She was shock, not expecting me at all to give her that kind of money.

This is the same cousin who treated me this way and now I wonder if I should bother to invite her to my housewarming party. So, I want to hear your opinion, would you invite her to the party?

If someone treats you unfairly especially a family member, would you return back the favor or let it slide for the sake of maturity? For example if my cousin ends up having an emergency later on and needs somewhere to stay...should I even look her way?

I know the saying is true: what goes around comes around, but I am soooo turned off by what she did. Phew! It felt great venting out.

By tomorrow I should be back in my apartment, I hope. There's no place like home.


TequilaGuy said...

No. I'm holding my tongue.

FortuneCookee said...

A member of your family will do something that will make you proud.

Let's just hope it's today!

Delaleuverses said...

Really? Fortunecookee I hope you're right, well I guess you are right, my brother already did that by allowing me to stay with him during those two days.

Tequilaguy I need to hear your input :)

TequilaGuy said...

Funny, Cathy, I was mad at your cousin after I read your post, and that's why I held my tongue. My first reaction was to say, "No way, don't invite her!"

But, after seeing Cookee's comment and thinking about it, I found a Fortune Cookie saying that just might apply:

It is often better not to see an insult than to avenge it.

If she harbors ill will towards you, for any reason, she wont' accept the invitation. And, you are so much bigger than her ... as a person!

S* said...

I'd be sooo pissed at your landlady. I hate having my stuff touched and moved around without my knowledge. Plus, unlike family, she has the obligation to be respectful.

Delaleuverses said...

Thank you much Tequilaguy for the advice, I will take it in consideration. Although I am still hurt by what she did, and so tempted to not invite her to my housewarming, and my brother lives with her so whether she's invited or not she will find out about it.

S* at first I was pissed that my landlady had the workers move my stuff around, but I know she meant well and I understand the urgency behind her wanting to put the new tiles asap. She knows i've been frustrated with the living situation and with my crave for privacy and wanting the apartment ready so I can unpack and decorate.

The girl-next-door said...

Your cousin may realize how mean she's being after her period of stress passes (although having a few extra people is questionable on how much it would create). You've been supportive to her in the past and she's not showing the same kindness...Karma often shows itself when we least expect it. I your landlady giving you a glimpse at her management style? I've never heard of anyone being put out (especially without notice) like this - you're not paying her for the days you're gone right?

Delaleuverses said...

Girlnextdoor thanks for the visit, no my landlady won't be paid for the 3 days that i've been out of the apartment...i've known her for five years prior to moving to the place so she's not a stranger to me that's why I didn't tell her off for moving all my stuff to the kitchen and bathroom. I just felt that she should have warned me so I can make better sleeping arrangements. I had no idea my cousin would have reacted the way she did, I don't think one more night at her place would of had a tremendous affect. I tend to show myself too caring and too supportive to friends and family who don't deserve it

Ruben said...

I hope everything works out for you.

NotReverent said...

Ahem ...

We're praying for you at the Church.

Hallelujah (69x)


Marcel Salnave said...

You're having a housewarming party? When is that?

Libra Moon Goddess said...

DeLa... (hope you don't mind the nickname I am christening you with)

"I feel like a stranger in my own place. Why?"

Change is transition... not only physically but also spiritually. Your "Self" has not caught up with Yourself. Your Solar Plexus hurts like a wound up knot. (I know... I have yet to share my similar emotional journey which uprooted my old "Self" to my Now "Self.") This is your Life showing you where you need NOT be. Remove yourself from your environment spiritually, and your surrounding elements will roll off of you like water in a rain. Diving into your surrounding "negative" or "unbalanced" elements will only drown you. Shield yourself with wings of Swan and her Down will protect you from absorbing the moisture of other's being.

When you are finally regrouped with your belongings, take time to re-familiarize your "Self" with yourself. Create a home of joyous beauty that reflects all of which you truly are.

As for the energies around you... you are NOT responsible for other people's actions and reactions. You are only responsible for your own. Allow Swan energy to rise you above this play where you can spread your wings and soar, letting it all go...

"would you invite her to the party? "

Yes... maybe she will find an excuse to not come. You will be the Hero for inviting her by leaving no scars or opening doors welcoming battle. If she attends... Fly Like the Beautiful Swan and be responsible for your "Self" only.

You Go Girl!!!

Libra Moon

PS: Do your "Self" a favour… on your first night "Home," chill… and sit in darkness with candle(s) lit and "Listen" to your new world around you. "Listen" to every noise outside of your windows, every sound above and below you. "Listen" to the voices within your walls. "Listen" to the settling of your building… the hum of your fridge. Familiarize your "Self" with the new language of the world around you. "Listen…" until the loudest sound you hear is your own breath. Life is the most important and comforting sound of all…

Anonymous said...

its amaazing how peoples true colors really show in a time of need ... even with family ... and its sad and bothersome to say the least ... i would smother her with kindness ... just overdue it ... cause she knew what she was doin i guarntee that ... and there is never any pleasure in stoopin to her level ... cause then shell know you let her get to you ... and you seem way to strong of a woman to do that ...

urban butterfly said...

Wow!! Ms. Dela, I have to say that I'm not surprised because I don't put anything past anyone, even family members.

My suggestion- Tell her about herself!! She needs to know how she treated you and how that made you feel. That's very important. See how she reacts to you once you confront her. If she is receptive or not receptive to what you are telling her, then its up to you to determine whether or not you want to be bothered with her at YOUR house warming. There's some people, even family members, that you just can't deal with. "Love them and leave them alone" type of thing.

Orange Blossom Goddess (aka Heather) said...

I agree that your landlady could have given you warning but she didn't and you were so lucky to have a brother to turn to. YOur cousin sounds as if she has trouble dealing with bumps in the road. Sometimes people can be overwhelmed to the point of panic. I would invite her. Not like you have to talk to her. The unfortunate result of her behaviour is that your trust for her has been crushed to a certain extent.

paris parfait said...

Well, you could take the high road and invite her - just to show her what a great place you have. :) Or you could ignore her for being so incredibly rude and selfish. In the end, you're the one who has to live with the choice. Hope your apartment is sorted out soon and that you unpack and make it feel like a wonderful home!

**silvermOOn** said...

I feel so for you!
Unfortunately, while my life has been a good one, it has also been peppered with family member incidents so hurtful that I use artistic expression to cope.
I'm hoping the "air" changes and especially that you can move into your own place in comfort.

MagicalSis said...

Cathy girl~~~
Damn what a bad week you had. I feel for you and if you are ever in Ral.,NC and need a place to stay you can always call magicalsis, k? answer your question, YES I would invite her to the housewarming and kill her with kindness. I wouldn't ever give her money again, but I would be civil to her and maybe at some point just casually bring up how her treatment of you felt and inquire about had you done something ever to harm her and did she feel the need to retaliate.
But keep your beautiful chin up and treat her with class and grace and let it go. You have just been given valuable info on what kind of person she really is.

I will say a prayer for you to get your nice new place all back together again!!

I love your blog.

Xavier said...

Take the high road. Invite her, treat her like an honored guest, then break off all contact with her. You don't need people like that in your life, but you also don't need to *become* people like that. Stay true to yourself. Wether she understands or not is not your problem.

Madeleine said...

shit...that's not good.
i'm holding my fingers crossed for you, and hoping that it all sorts itself out for you soon.

really, life can just be one pain in the arse after another.


Danny Sillada said...

Dear Cathy,

Your kindness to your cousin in the beginning shows that you have a golden heart. However, when you needed her help, she turned her back on you. It is normal to feel bitter about it but hey, kindness and purity of heart have no limits.

You have a beautiful soul and you have a soft heart by nature. Invite your cousin and let her know that despite what had happened, you still care. Kindness is a rare commodity that others don't have. You have it and I know, more blessing will come your way.

constance said...

I'm sorry to hear that and hope that by now you're back at your own place already. As for your cousin, I'm glad to read most of the comments by your friends advising you to invite her still. It's not easy but you'll not regret doing so, whether or not she accepts your invite. To be very dramatic, to return a bad deed with the same is one of the main reason a country is in war...
You can stop the bad cycle with your love and forgiveness and someday, who knows, you might be the reason for your cousin's change - for the better.

jac said...

I think that you should include your cousin too for the party.

Ty said...

Like I said on the phone, I think that you should be the better person. Let them know that you have the upper hand though by reminding them of what they did and how they left you in the cold. But then, graciously help them out. Karma.