Lyrics, poetry and art all meshed together

Saturday, October 27, 2007

On September’s new sun you came to me with the strangest sound
Toes and fingers stomping
In your eyes I saw God
Understood the spiritual side of birth
You glowed like the moon while you slept in my arms
The hardest part about loving you was letting you go
Across the West coast boarder I hear the beat of your heart
Try to reach for you in my sleep
Pray one day you will comprehend why I left you behind wrapped with my doubts and fear
I cannot justify
Cannot restore
Cannot rehabilitate
Cannot resuscitate the past
Beneath my belly you grew quietly
Unable to cry infant tears
Years hitches you a ride to forgetfulness
Sandstorm clouding your mind
My once a week phone call waters you with smiles
Therapy not enough to vanquish guilt
Deep-rooted pain strike joints
Jab the anguish stars I created for us in acrylic paper
My ink runs through your blood
With Haitian revolution translating confession
I am committed to make you mine someday
Determined to make you see me as your mother
I will hand you my own script of multilayered disappointments coupled with hope
Never meant to be your weakest link of confusion and aggravation
It’s 8pm today
Your father wants me stoned with his words
Sign on the dotted line to allow another woman to take over my joy
Can she have the ability to love you like I do?
I am not dead yet your father is mourning my name to neighbors
“Die bitch,” he whispers behind closed doors
I purge my anger in brush fires
The Santa Ana wind sings flame of prayers to God
Reality is to hate
But doing so is useless
The smoke thickens
And your smile and laughter disappears
Dear daughter
I’m sorry
Mommy will not sign on the dotted line
©10/07 by C. Delaleu
art by KJ & the dreamy giraffe

I was compelled to write this piece based on a true story of a woman who lost custody of her daughter because she moved out of state and was given visitation rights by the courts. She has made the effort to keep in contact with her daughter weekly by phone, sending her letters and toys and traveling 2-3 times a year to visit her. Her ex-husband remarried and now wants her to sign adoption papers in order for his new wife to become the legal custodian.


Kai C. said...

that's so sad.

Harlem Purl said...

My goodness. As a mother myself, I was instantly brought to tears. It takes a strong woman to do what had to be done in that situation. Tell that female to please don't doubt herself and that I'll keep her in my prayers.


This woman that you speak of is a tower of strength for all mothers. She did what was necessary to help her survive, but now that she is fully charged she will do what is necessary to keep her child. Tell her that she WILL WIN. For that child is as much of hers that it is of him. He does not control the situation, he does not have the power to do with that child as he wishes. The day of her holding her child in her arms is coming... Tell her not to falter! Not to lose hope! We all believe in her!!!!

Fabrizio said...

Ciao Cath. Great poem. My thoughts are with that woman. Hope she will not be forced to sign.

See ya


get zapped said...

It's hard to comprehend the anguish in this woman's heart. You expressed it so well.

Peace and love to her and her all those who experience separation.

Blu Jewel said...

OMG! that's absolutely heartbreaking. that picture did something to me when i looked at it and many thoughts were conjured, but when I read the poem, I was completely undone.

Clare said...

I started crying while reading this -- my heart broke and yet the way you wrote it was so beautiful. Some of the lines that especially moved me were "In your eyes I saw God", and "you glowed like the moon while you slept in my/ arms" and "try to reach for you in my sleep". I could feel the anguish, grief, and longing in your poem -- so powerful and moving. And I could also feel the woman's fierce determination to not sign that dotted line -- I cheered out loud when I read that, encouraging her to stay strong. Really well done.

starry nights said...

Beautiful but sad.

fallen angel said...

that is so WRONG!!!

as far as the piece"
"In your eyes I saw God
Understood the spiritual side of birth"

but this line is the one that's speaking to my spirit right now...

"The hardest part about loving you was letting you go"

mermaid said...

I have learned that judgement from others is harsh, but lethal from the self. I pray that your words and her forgiveness and love directed to herself will one day see the light.

Cathy, Cathy, Cathy. May you continue to hear the passions and pains of women and write and paint about them.

Torrance Stephens bka All-Mi-T said...

Damn, what a story

Torrance Stephens bka All-Mi-T said...

Damn, what a story

Dance_Soul said...

This is VERY sad. I'm glad she's trying to be an active part of her daughter's life - instead of giving up.
HUUGGGSSS SIS (for no reason at all - just cause). :-)

Dance_Soul said...

BY THE WAY - did I tell you that I moved?

Lyrically speaking said...

Thank you all for reading this piece which is dear to my heart. It is a sad but true reading this I am sure she will find comfort, she's a fighter so she'll keep her head up high.