The power of writing has many consequences. It can reveal,inspire, destroy, elevate and sometimes it can be hurtful or brutal. Like some who consider suicide and leave their mark with an emotional letter, letting their loved ones know what caused them to end their life. I feel when you have that kind of gift to move people, it means all is not lost. God granted you these lovely hands and fingers for a reason.

The many challenges I had to face these past few months took a toll on my body. Yes, I did consider not to write in my blog and even allowed Mr. Writer's Block to take over. What made it worse is the ugly monster, I should say "my ugly demon" Lupus SLE (www.Lupus.org), came out of hiding again.

A year ago 2008, my life completely changed when Lupus paid me a nasty visit leaving me disfigured and I lost all the self-confidence I had in me. I was doing good in NY with a great job, my own apartment and many friends. But, sometimes you get a wake-up call...so I was unrecognizable physically and mentally, forget about emotionally. I felt not even a therapist can fully understand this illness.

I was diagnosed in 2007 and it's been a battle ever since. Yet, I'm blessed to wake up everyday with family and friends who show support. To understand this auto-immune disease, one must be very patient and non-judgemental. For example, people will look at you and think, "She's pretty,well, she don't act or look sick". Then, 3 months later, you're swollen all over, can't barely get out of bed and depression sets in. Your mind plays tricks on you, makes you believe no one gives a damn and you might as well die in your sleep.

Lupus SLE is not an easy illness to deal with cause in order to fight it, you must be mentally strong to do so and make yourself a list on how to be ahead of it. Lupus loves stress and depression, actually most Lupus sufferers are affected with joint issues due to stress. Also, Lupus loves it when you eat the wrong type of food, dairy and wheat will eventually send a Lupus SLE candidate to the hospital. I've been there more than once. Also, it does not tolerate excessive sun or cold winters. I live in 100 degrees AZ heat and i'm still struggling, but not as bad as when I lived in NY.

I was very hurt when a blogger friend told me of Nikki's passing. It's sad to hear such news, especially knowing she was so young. I'm sure sure Nikki wouldn't want us to dwell on her loss or illness. She was a great blogger, writer, feisty with her words. She would want us to remember her wonderful writing and beautiful personality. The more we do, the most we celebrate her life and her light will continue to shine. You can show your love by stopping by her blog (http://iniquitous1.blogspot.com), i'm sure her family would appreciate it. As for me, i'm taking it one day at a time with much prayer and meditation.

GRATEFUL DRUMROLL

1.Thankful for my mom who is a true believer of natural medicine and who is trying her hardest to make me feel better
2. The pouring rain that woke me up this morning and kept me smiling
3. Delicious salad I made for lunch and dinner
4. Jazz music which helps relax my body and mind
5. Phone call from friends who continue to show love and concern


NO ANSWERS

I can't tell you why we leave this earth
all I know is once we do
our footprints remain on the sheets we write on
we are never forgotten
family and friends will make sure of it